7 Things Never to Say in a Best Man Speech

In a WeddingsHub survey of 340 UK couples conducted in early 2026, 17% said the best man’s speech had caused at least one guest to feel uncomfortable. In 3% of cases, the speech caused lasting damage — to the marriage, to a guest relationship, or to the event itself. The remaining 80% of best-man speeches were fine. A number were genuinely brilliant. But the pattern is consistent: the disasters almost always involve the same handful of mistakes, made by men who either did not know the line or chose to cross it.

By Matt Ward, Editor at Weddings Hub. This article draws on a WeddingsHub survey of 340 UK couples (early 2026) and accounts from 80 UK wedding guests who witnessed a speech-related incident between 2022 and 2025. Three UK wedding planners contributed observations. Groom and best-man names have been changed throughout.

Why best-man speeches go wrong

The format creates a perfect storm. The best man is almost always drunk by the time he speaks. He has spent weeks — sometimes years — worrying about what to say. He has an audience of 80 people he wants to impress. And he has almost certainly heard the advice “be funny” without the accompanying advice: “funny to 80 people across a 35-year age range who do not all share your sense of humour.”

The result is a speech that plays to a row of university friends on the left side of the room and horrifies the bride’s grandmother on the right.

For a full guide to what a good best-man speech looks like, see best man speech examples and the how to write a wedding speech guide. What follows is the inverse: seven things that reliably end a speech in disaster.

1. Any reference to an ex-partner

The groom’s relationship history is off limits. Not “mostly off limits” or “fine if handled well.” Off limits.

The bride’s family are watching. The bride is watching. At least three of the bride’s friends are watching with their arms crossed. The moment a name appears that is not the bride’s, every woman in that room is measuring the tone.

“He dated a lot before he found the right one” is fine. “He and [name] had a thing for two years, and honestly it’s all worked out for the best” is not. The distinction — between the groom’s past as a vague chapter and the groom’s past as a named reference — is everything.

Even if the ex is not present. Even if the bride knows about the ex. Even if the story is funny. Cut it.

2. Jokes about infidelity, even when clearly joking

In our survey, infidelity jokes were the single category most likely to cause a guest to stop laughing and start wondering.

The reason is simple. In a room of 80 adults, statistically several are dealing with the reality of infidelity — in their current relationship, their recent past, or their marriage. A joke about the groom’s fidelity does not land as a joke for those people. It lands as a prod.

“I hope he means it more than he meant it with [previous girlfriend]” is not a joke. “He’s always been loyal — at least that’s what he told me” is not a joke. These lines feel like jokes to the person writing them, alone at a laptop the night before the wedding. They do not feel like jokes to everyone in the room.

The best man’s speech revealed an affair account covers what happens when these lines are not jokes at all.

3. Revealing something the groom did not know was going in

This is the most basic rule of the best-man speech, and the most commonly broken.

A story from the stag do. A fact from the groom’s past. Something the best man knows because he is the groom’s best friend and has been for 15 years. All of that is source material. None of it is automatically speech material.

The rule is simple: the groom should know every specific story, fact, and anecdote before it is delivered in front of his parents, in-laws, and friends. Not so he can censor it — the best man can disagree with a veto. But so there are no surprises. A groom who is surprised by what is in his best man’s speech is a groom who is already tense, already distracted, and already half-in his head during the one moment he should be most present.

Ask to see the draft. This is not controlling. It is basic coordination between two people who are supposed to be working together to make a wedding successful.

4. Photos that have not been pre-approved

The trend for best-man speeches that incorporate a slideshow of embarrassing photographs has been running for at least 15 years. It has produced a reliable stream of disasters.

A photograph on a screen in front of 80 people is not like a photograph shown to three friends on a phone. It cannot be unseen. It is often taken out of context. And it will, if it is the wrong photograph, define the evening more than anything else.

Rule: no photograph goes into a best-man speech slideshow without the groom having seen it first. Not the bride — the groom is the target, and the groom needs to sign off on what is shown of himself in front of his entire family.

If the best man’s slideshow plan involves photographs from a stag do or a trip, those photographs need to be reviewed and approved by the groom at least a week before the wedding. Not the morning of. A week before.

5. Speeches that go over 8 minutes

There is an 8-minute rule for best-man speeches. It is not a published standard. It is an observed pattern from every wedding planner we have spoken to over the past three years.

At 5 minutes, a well-constructed best-man speech is landing perfectly. At 7 minutes, the room is still with the speaker. At 8 minutes, the first signs of restlessness appear. Every minute beyond 8 doubles the discomfort in the room.

“But I have so much to say” is not a defence. The job of the speech is not to say everything. The job is to be genuinely funny and warm in the time the room will give you. That time is 5-6 minutes. Seven at most. The speakers who regularly get the best reactions cut things they loved. That is how good speeches work.

For timing reference, the short wedding speech examples piece covers the right length for every speech type at a UK wedding.

6. In-jokes that more than 10% of the room won’t get

A speech built on in-jokes is a speech that excludes most of the people in the room.

The groom’s university friends will love it. The groom’s parents will smile politely. The bride’s family will feel like they wandered into someone else’s private event. And the speaker will misread the room entirely, because the laughter from the left side of the room sounds like success when it is actually failure at scale.

A rule: if a reference requires more than one sentence of explanation, it does not belong in the speech. Not because the story is not funny, but because explanation kills comedy and your audience owes you nothing.

The best speeches find stories that are universal — stories about loyalty, about change, about what it means to watch a friend commit to another person. Those stories work for the 22-year-old university friend and the 68-year-old father of the bride. In-jokes work only for the row of university friends.

7. Anything that was specifically asked not to be included

This happens more than it should. The groom asks the best man to leave out a specific story or reference. The best man decides it is too funny to cut. The story goes in.

This is not a speech decision. It is a trust decision. And it has ended friendships.

“I thought you’d be fine with it by the time I delivered it” is not an explanation that holds up. If the groom has asked for something to be removed and it appears anyway, that is a betrayal of the private agreement between two people who are supposed to be on the same side.

Whatever the groom asks to be kept out of the speech stays out of the speech. That is the rule. There are no exceptions.

How to use the preview conversation

The groom should ask to hear or read the speech at least two weeks before the wedding. Not to censor — but to coordinate.

The conversation is simple: “Can I see a draft? I want to make sure there’s nothing that will land badly with both our families, and I don’t want any surprises on the day.”

A best man who refuses this conversation is telling you something. What he is telling you is that he either does not trust his own material to survive the groom’s eyes, or he plans to include something the groom would veto. Either way, that is a conversation worth having before the wedding day.

For managing the full speech lineup and coordinating between speakers, the wedding planning timeline covers when each element of the day’s programme should be confirmed and signed off.

FAQs: things never to say in a best man speech

How long should a best man’s speech be at a UK wedding?

Five to six minutes is ideal. Eight minutes is the outer limit. Beyond 8 minutes, the room’s attention and goodwill begin to collapse.

Can a best man mention ex-partners in his speech?

Only if the reference is genuinely neutral and brief. Any reference that could be interpreted as comparing the bride to an ex, or dwelling on the groom’s past, should be cut entirely.

What should a best man never say in a speech?

Never reveal anything the couple did not know was going in. Never reference infidelity, real or joking. Never run longer than 8 minutes. Never show an embarrassing photo without the groom’s advance approval.

What happens if the best man gives a terrible speech?

In most cases, guests move on. In our survey, 17% reported a speech that caused discomfort. In 3% of cases, the speech caused lasting damage to the couple or a guest relationship.

Should the groom read the best man’s speech before the wedding?

Yes. Asking for a draft at least two weeks out is standard and sensible. A best man who refuses to share any version is a risk worth addressing before the wedding day.

Is it okay for a best man to be drunk during his speech?

No. Visible intoxication is consistently cited as one of the top causes of speech-related disasters. A best man who cannot control his drinking before the speeches is a serious risk.

Can the best man make jokes about the groom cheating or affairs?

Never. Even when clearly intended as a joke, infidelity references land badly in a room full of the couple’s family and friends. The risk to the couple is not worth any laugh.